Where were you on the night of April 11th, 2016? I remember feeling the chill of cement emanate through my pajama pants as I lay uncomfortably in the middle of an empty retention pond. My spirit was disquieted in the aftermath of three different suicide attempts that I chickened out of just hours before. Unable to parse my frantic and formless thoughts and feelings, I stared helplessly into the night sky waiting for answers.
A few months earlier, I had just finished producing a multi-thousand-dollar musical project; my debut album as an independent recording artist. I led over fifty people in all aspects of writing, rehearsing, recording, filming, etc. and it was the most involved six-month period of my life. Everything was a brilliant success up until the album came out. To this day, I have only sold two copies. The despair of this acute failure was compounded by the physical pain of an undiagnosed chronic illness and an emotionally devastating romantic heartbreak. Pornography, overeating, and isolation shielded me from the unbearable anguish that my life had become.
At that time, I was staunchly Free Grace (FG) and I had zero doubt regarding where I was going to be after “pulling the cord.” I had no hope for any healing, but I did have a surefire way to end my torment. I had an inadequate theology of the purpose of suffering and I couldn’t ignore it anymore. In the early morning of that fateful night, I returned home confused and ashamed. The next six months were dedicated to solving the problem of my hole-filled system.
This is deconstruction (clearer definition in a few paragraphs). If you spend any time on the internet, you’re likely to encounter this term as well as many other related terms (exvangelical, unchurched, church hurt, purity culture, religious trauma, spiritual bypassing, spiritual abuse, etc.). If you’re like me, you first heard about this idea through many celebrity Christian figures like Rhett and Link, Joshua Harris, and the Gungors, but they don’t fully represent the prevalence and nature of this phenomenon in our society today.
It is neither simply asking questions nor experiencing emotional distress. It is both. (Harber, “Defining Deconstruction pt. 4 | Doubt and Doctrine”) You might know it better as a “crisis of faith.” Well, now we have a new word for it and we must understand it properly to engage with those experiencing it. Unfortunately, Christians everywhere are failing in this regard.
So, it’s my thesis that the FG movement can change the Christian landscape of the world by looking at deconstruction. What is it exactly? How does FG help? What can we do?
Theory
Firstly, let’s understand this concept by examining three things: 1) a clear definition of what this process entails, 2) an example of it occurring in the Bible, and 3) the most helpful type of response.
The term “deconstruction” is a relatively new one and is mostly a colloquial term—the academic literature has yet to catch up. Neither have many Christians truly understood it. It’s a convoluted and ambiguous idea that needs refinement. There are a few terms that some use synonymously with deconstruction, like deconversion, disaffiliation, and becoming a religious “none” but deconstruction remains the best word because, as I’ll soon illustrate, it doesn’t presume “leaving the faith” as the sole possible outcome.
The term was first coined by a former evangelical pastor to describe his own approach to “questioning certainty and accepted truth” (Hayward, “What is Deconstruction”)—especially that of his religious upbringing. The concept has grown legs of its own in the culture so I’m going to propose a different one than the one originally proposed.
Here’s my definition of deconstruction:
“A spiritual crisis in which one disassembles and scrutinizes the fundamental theological beliefs and logical frameworks of their upbringing with the possible outcomes of discarding, distorting, doctoring, or deepening their faith.”
Some event instigates an emergency in someone’s spirit and they hit a “fork in the road.” This experience has the potential of maturing or destroying one’s faith, depending on the choices made by the three parties (more on that later). Let me break down the four possible outcomes of deconstruction:
The first two, discarding and distorting, are the outcomes that most people think of.
- Discarding one’s faith involves disassembling beliefs and leaving them there in a dismantled state or building something else out of other parts; practically, it looks like becoming a naturalist atheist or agnostic or adopting an entirely different religion. I call it “throwing the baby out with the bathwater.”
- Distorting one’s faith is also detrimental in that one holds fast to the abstract principles of the Christian message (love, joy, peace, unity, etc.) but does so in a way that dispenses with a literal-grammatical-historical method and embraces new age, liberal, or progressive ideology.
The latter two outcomes are ones that we rejoice in!
- To doctor one’s faith is to deconstruct previously held beliefs, examine them while remaining committed to the evangelical hermeneutic, and rebuild a different perspective that aligns more with the truth than before. This is an example of adopting FG in place of a Reformed, Lordship, or Arminian framework. So, it’s possible that you, reader, have deconstructed (more on that later).
- Finally when I refer to deepening one’s faith, I mean that one deconstructs and ends up building back the same belief structure but with confidence that it’s actually valid. It’s not “Mom and Dad’s theology” anymore; their convictions have become their own.
The Biblical precedent that best fits this process is the story of Job: “stable faith meets destabilizing suffering and forty chapters of grief ensue.” The whole narrative of this book can be summed up as Job (and his friends) having an inadequate understanding of who God was and how He functioned that was challenged by serious suffering.
Also, just as Job was criticized by his friends, we are at risk of judging those in tragedy the same way. When someone is struggling in their spirit it manifests in unpredictable behavior. In the dark night of the soul, we don’t often look like the image of a “good Christian” that others often expect of us: we’re confused, insecure, angry, contentious, etc. It’s helpful to bear in mind that the progression of our faith is “non-linear.” A birds-eye view of our spiritual journey may look much more like a squiggle than a straight line (Davis, “Breaking Evangelical,” 91).
But there is hope that, with the right choices made along the way, deconstruction will lead to closeness with God.
Deconstruction is a spiritual crisis. God wants relationship with humanity—the entire meta-narrative of the Bible makes that clear (Genesis 3; John 15; II Corinthians 5:18–19; etc.). And spiritual problems can’t be fixed with tangible things, they require a relational solution. So, then, what is the thing that sustains and develops relationships? If “relationship” is the noun, what is the verb?
Love.
“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son…” (John 3:16a). As Jesus said in Matthew 22, everything boils down to “love God and love others” (vv. 37–40). This is our calling as we engage with our children, our friends, and our pastors as they deconstruct. And what is love but doing what is in someone’s ultimate best interest? Love is the key.
Fear is the enemy. John enlightens us that love and fear cannot coexist (I John 4:16–19). It’s one or the other! Much like how we have moment-by-moment option whether to submit to the authority of the Spirit or to our old ways, we have a “dual control” option here, too (Radmacher, What to Expect from the Holy Spirit, 89). Every action in our relationships with deconstructors can either be led by love or by fear.
Christian Psychologist Larry Crabb suggests that there exist only two action categories in relationships: ministry and manipulation. In attempts to “maneuver [ourselves] into a relationship with minimal emotional pain,” we miss out on opportunities to help bring about the best-case scenario for those we love (The Marriage Builder, 65). As this relates to our discussion—love yields ministry; fear yields manipulation.
Free Grace
Now the big question: how does being FG help? Instead of detailing specific beliefs that are helpful for those deviating from other systems, I’m going to tackle this from a different angle: the natural outflow of our theology is a uniquely powerful spiritual environment. Grace dispels fear in beautiful ways. For now, here are three significant ways that FG is more conducive to love than other systems in the theological marketplace.
Truth over Tradition
Very few of us were born into FG. By nature, we are a collective of those dissatisfied with the theological systems we had prior and earnestly sought a better solution. The ensuing ethos is inviting to those defecting from the traditional beliefs they inherited.
As proponents of the Protestant evangelical convictions, we have an allegiance to the truth which encourages us to use a logically cohesive hermeneutic to resolve difficult biblical and theological problems. We’re serious about our faith, ask challenging questions, contend honestly with logic and reality, and can empathize with others doing the same.
Empathetic Community
There’s no need to wear the mask. What I mean by this is, because we aren’t scared of what our sin might reveal about our position in Christ, we don’t have to be fearful of our imperfect condition (Anderson, Position and Condition). We don’t need to posture as though we have it all together. We can boldly parrot Paul in saying we are the least of those around us (I Corinthians 15:9; Ephesians 3:8; I Timothy 1:15)! Because of this and our secure assurance, we are free to be transparent with ourselves and others about what we do and think. I mean truly honest!
Many church environments have a doctrinal ecosystem hyper-emphasized by fear: constant focus on escape from eternal damnation, grave punishment in response to sin, lack of assurance, etc. Yet, one of the most repeated precepts in the Bible is “do not be afraid.” Clearly, there’s a disconnect: if our theology produces fear where the Bible says there should be none, then it’s unsound. We can be a force that swings the pendulum back to balance. Not neglecting to share the truth, we are aware that we are in a position to help make up for a lifetime of spiritual abuse and neglect through transparency, patience, and compassion.
True Assurance
Because we distinguish justification and sanctification, the resulting environment is one where the identity of a fellow believer is not in question no matter what they share—encouraging others to be genuine about their concerns earlier on in their journey before they become too imposing and implode. I wish I could convey to you just how detrimental it is for deconstructors to be ousted from Christ’s hand on the basis of their performance. A common thread in many deconstructors’ stories involves someone, somewhere along the timeline of their struggle, saying they weren’t a real believer or that their doubts threatened their salvation. Ed Underwood put it well, “We think they will believe before they belong. Wrong,” (“Establishing an Atmosphere of Grace in Community”).
There’s too much to say on this now, but it’s worth noting that the psychological principle of attachment theory informs us that we, as humans, require a stable foundation to enable growth and maturity (Davis, 69). If there is no such security, development is either seriously stilted or altogether impossible. Such is also true about spirituality: if we have nothing solid to lean on in terms of our identity in Christ, especially when sin and/or doubt abound, panic is inevitable.
But all these benefits of our paradigm are worthless if its embodiment fails. Our walk has to match our talk! The way we, as individual Christians demonstrate our theology will either empower or destroy our message.
How to Help
Recall when I mentioned three parties. When someone is deconstructing, the outcome of their crisis is determined by the decisions made by themselves, God, and those around them: deconstructor, principal, and guidance group(s). All three of these have influence! We know that God will not fail in doing His part. The deconstructor’s choices are out of our hand. The only capacity we actually have is our own actions. Just like in Job’s trial, his internal predicament resolved through a combination of God’s response, Elihu’s faithful rebuke, and Job’s personal reception of God’s words.
This final section will highlight an important distinction between two approaches to deconstruction support and offer an original four-step method.
Listeners, Not Lecturers
We have a binary decision ahead of us: to be lecturers or to be listeners. The daily choice we make has a marked impact on the journey deconstructors undergo—it’s gonna be a rough ride no matter what, but we have the opportunity to smooth some of the turbulence or magnify it.
In Matthew 20:25–28, Jesus warned us that the world would be lecturers and charged us, as believers, to be counter-cultural in being listeners instead. Allow me to define these two terms as I’m using them:
- A lecturer is someone who, without compassion, dispenses advice from a superior position;
- A listener is one who, in humility, walks alongside another ministering to them holistically.
A lecturer attempts to control; a listener knows he/she has influence. A lecturer is always superior; a listener can be a peer. A lecturer is destination-oriented, motivated to gain power, arrogant and closed-minded; a listener is journey-oriented, motivated to serve, and humble and patient. A lecturer expects; a listener hopes.
A deconstructor needs a listener.
No fixers needed! We’re not helping by dictating what others should rebuild and not allowing them with the autonomy to “work out their own salvation,” (Philippians 2:12). As Free Gracers, the concept of free will is a necessary assumption for both A and B truths (Bing, Grace, Salvation, and Discipleship). God grants us choice! Let’s imitate Him in doing the same. For the sake of those who need love, we need to perpetually kill fear as it attempts to convince us to clone our faith in others instead of letting them build their own. Christians and Church communities often fail in this regard. Neither are cynics needed: those who will encourage them to break down more and more but don’t stick around to help build something back up. The culture fails in this regard.
But we don’t have to contribute to the failure. I bear good news: being listeners is the true expression of our paradigm! From the FG outlook, we are all on a level playing field—no human is inherently better than another (or better off than another, in terms of salvific election) and we’re all equally capable of responding to God and equally in need of His ministry of sanctification. Our theology enables us to “make sure that other people’s highest priority needs are being served,” (Greenleaf, The Servant as Leader, 6). Let’s neither prove our beliefs useless in an absence of loving works (James 2:17) nor disqualify ourselves by adhering fervently to our interpretative method and failing to bear its fruits (I Corinthians 9:27).
The WATT Approach
As listeners for those in deconstruction, our aim should be to illuminate the situation and help do away with the darkness (Philippians 2:14–16). This technique uses the WATT acronym as a metaphor because we aim to be lights in the hands of those seeking to dispel darkness in their minds, hearts, and spirits. Our role is not to manipulate an outcome, but to help the one stumbling about navigate their way through their difficulty. We’re not perpetuating an illusion; we’re revealing what is.
We are lights when we…
- Welcome the distress;
- Analyze the crisis;
- Try, and keep trying; and
- Trust with an open hand.
1) Welcome the distress
The first step is to recognize someone’s grief and respond to it with acceptance and without fear. We can’t prevent the crisis from happening once it’s in motion, but we can definitely choose how to respond.
Validation is crucial. Despite any potential weaknesses or failures in someone’s logic, the subsequent emotions they are incurring are real and reasonable and need to be addressed as such. Always validate emotions—then, after reassurance, can come logical discourse.
This goes both ways because you will often find yourself entering your own emergency when coming to the aid of someone else. What happens to lifeguards when they dive in to save someone? Not only do they have to tolerate the unsafe waters, but they have to withstand the panic of the one drowning; thrashing about, hitting them, and pulling them down. If the deconstructor is your child, your spouse, your parent, etc. fear will bombard your heart—don’t be deceived. Don’t run in fear. Receive your distress in love.
2) Analyze the crisis
Similarly to how anger is a secondary emotion, a spiritual crisis is a secondary one that is rooted in one or multiple primary causes: 1) intellectual (e.g., logical contradictions, cognitive dissonance, etc.), 2) emotional (e.g., unmourned grief, disenchantment, etc.), and/or 3) trauma (e.g., spiritual, sexual, physical abuse, etc.). So, the second step in this approach is to determine the nature of their crisis so that a targeted support strategy can be employed.
Respond to logic logically; emotions emotionally; and trauma sensitively.
3) Try, and keep trying
The penultimate step is to remain vigilant. As you embark on being a listener, you’re not likely to get it right the first time. Most of us aren’t professional counselors or therapists but find ourselves in a position of having an influence on someone in trouble even so.
Perfectionism is the pest nephew of fear. It’s one of the most insidious enemies to the transformative power of love. We are not God, and neither our discernment nor our love is yet complete. The truth is we can’t do this perfectly, but we can do this. Perfectionism is the voice in our head convincing us we’ll fail before having even started. By contrast, love is pressing forward anyway and getting up every time we fall; “the godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again…” (Proverbs 24:16 NLT).
Always remind yourself of the big picture, be open to adapting your approach, and keep showing up. Don’t give up on the person you’re ministering to and neither give up on yourself or God.
4) Trust with an open hand
Calling this the final step is a bit of a misnomer because, really, our reliance needs to be a moment-by-moment reality throughout the process. The final step is to give control over to God. Bill Bright said “successful witnessing is taking the initiative to share Christ in the power of the Holy Spirit and leaving the results to God,” (The Christian and Witnessing, 2009). The same could be said for being successful in any endeavor beyond evangelism, including supporting someone through deconstruction. As lights, we love like Christ loved, follow the Spirit’s lead, and entrust the outcome to God.
Final Thoughts
In my conclusion, I wanted to share some parting thoughts to both inspire and aid you as you embark on being a light in your community. I challenge…
- FG individuals to be lights to those around you. There are family, friends, coworkers, and strangers all around you that need a listener to serve them as they toil through their crises. In the power of the Holy Spirit, be not anxious—lean on the benefits of our viewpoint to be love to others in a way that many Christians haven’t been to them.
- FG local church bodies to be counter-cultural. It’s standard nowadays for churches to encourage others to “wear the mask.” Fight daily to take your masks off so that those seeking help can feel safe in removing theirs, for only what is in the light can be healed (Ephesians 5:8–14).
- FG movement to take advantage of this amazing opportunity. Young and old people in our communities are experiencing real crises—God is giving us a place to step in and demonstrate His love for the world.
Now here’s some encouragement:
It’s demanding to be in the trenches with someone in crisis. Be ready to regulate your own emotions as you interact with someone likely to be “drowning” in their own spiritual maelstrom. Hurt people hurt people. Understand your own fear, so that you can avoid hitting them. I implore you: don’t do this alone. Be connected with others in prayer and counsel as you walk this arduous path. Reach out to me if you need some encouragement.
God is bigger than your failures: don’t be frightened. God is with you and His Spirit is well capable of covering a multitude of human errors. Remember, fear is our number one enemy here—don’t allow it to prevent you from enduring long enough to see God multiply your efforts into something beautiful. “Now may He who supplies seed to the sower […] supply and multiply the seed you have sown and increase the fruits of your righteousness,” (II Corinthians 9:10).
It’s not the end. Seeing the day-to-day reality can be so discouraging—God often takes months, years, or even decades to accomplish His work in our hearts. The Bible employs metaphors of sowing and reaping a lot—think about how long it takes to sow and cultivate a plant as opposed to reaping the harvest of an already-nurtured one. Consider that you may be on either side of that spectrum: maybe you’re a sower (doing grueling work day in and day out for a long time without seeing any discernible change) and maybe you’re a reaper (supporting someone on the tail-end and seeing it all turn around like “that”). Be patient and trust God with an open hand.
Now go and light things up.
(This material is adapted from a seminar taught at the 2022 Free Grace Alliance conference in Keller, TX on October 11th. The original title of that talk was “Be a Light: Free Grace and Deconstruction.”)
(All scripture quotations are taken from the New King James Bible unless otherwise noted)
Sources
- Anderson, David R. 2017. Position and Condition: An Exposition of the Book of Ephesians. First edition. The Woodlands, TX: Grace Theology Press.
- Bing, Charles C. 2015. Grace, Salvation, and Discipleship: How to Understand Some Difficult Bible Passages. USA: Grace Theology Press.
- Bright, Bill. 2009. The Christian and Witnessing: Bringing Words of Hope to the World around You; Step 7. Peachtree, GA: Campus Crusade for Christ/Bright Media Foundation.
- Crabb, Larry. 2013. The Marriage Builder: Creating True Oneness to Transform Your Marriage. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Zondervan Publishing.
- Davis, Ashley M. 2019. “Breaking Evangelical: An Attachment-Focused Framework for Healing Spiritual Trauma.”
- Greenleaf, Robert K. 2008. The Servant as Leader. [Revised edition]. Westfield, IN: Greenleaf Center for Servant Leadership.
- Harber, Ian. 2022. “Defining Deconstruction Pt. 4 | Doubt and Doctrine.” Substack newsletter. Back Again with Ian Harber (blog). October 28, 2022. https://ianharber.substack.com/p/defining-deconstruction-pt-4-doubt.
- Hayward, David. n.d. “What Is Deconstruction?” Nakedpastor. Accessed October 3, 2022. https://nakedpastor.com/blogs/news/what-is-deconstruction.
- The Open Hand Seminar. 2019. Grace School of Theology: Grace Events. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGrpqTzPGA0.
- Radmacher, Dr Earl D. 2014. What to Expect from the Holy Spirit. Redeeming Press.
- Underwood, Ed. “Establishing an Atmosphere of Grace in Community.” 2022. The Free Grace Alliance: Bear Creek Bible Church. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_kM5SISQxg.
